In every relationship, when the challenges start to feel more familiar than the easy, fun times, the question can arise whether this is really worth the struggle. Add in some doubts and insecurities, past hurts, perhaps a few ongoing injuries and a tender, sensitive spot or two, plus our regular day-to-day full lives and stresses, and sometimes we ask ourselves whether we really have what it takes to live with another person, to love another being.
Finding our way through the intricacies and challenges of an intimate relationship is hard work. As a couples counsellor, I often ask what drew them together in the first place. Some of the answers I get include, “He made me laugh”, “She brought out the best in me”, or “I felt safe and at home.” There is a common thread in people’s answers, and that is always the feeling of connection they enjoyed with their mate in those early days. The simple human truth is that connection is what we do, and what we need. We thrive on it! We love to be in love because the act of loving connects us not only to that other person, but to our own warmth and innocence. It brings out the best in us, highlighting and illuminating our own kindness, gratitude, trust, and openness. In the most profound way, love connects us with the things we value most about being alive: Our rich, full presence with the best in ourselves.
To relate to yourself and those you love in a deeper, more intentional way, call Comox Valley Counselling.